Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Hubble reveals 20-year time-lapse of Uranus' changing atmosphere - TechSpot

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

NJ electric bills are about to jump 20% — who's to blame and what can you do? - Gothamist

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Experts warn that 1 in 5 adults are at risk of developing sleep disorders due to this substance - Tom's Guide

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Scientists hooking flies on cocaine to study addiction: Reports - WSYR

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I can count

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Five differences between Pilates and yoga you need to know before deciding which is right for you, according to a certified teacher - Fit&Well

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for fakery

Scientists Stumble Upon The World’s Oldest Stomach Stone Fossil - The Daily Galaxy

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why do people hate fat people so much, even people who aren't exactly supermodels themselves? It seems like such a deep, passionate hatred, like they're offended by fat people just existing. Fat people didn't do anything to them, so why hate them?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand how hurricane paths work

Why are US customs agents so talkative? I cringed hard when a US customs agent asked me if I was on vacation. He doesn’t need to know why I went to another country as long as I am a U.S. citizen.

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

My wife admitted to cheating on me with a married man. Should I tell this man and his wife that I know?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

What is your secret to glowing skin?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I see through liars

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I actually pay taxes

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have a reading level above third grade

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t cotton to rapists

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I can read

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t buy bullshit